Thursday, February 28, 2013

Day 16 - Earthly

Earthly Treasures
Things are lovely.

I read once, do not keep anything that does not serve a purpose or give you great joy. I am not quoting exactly because of course I cannot find it.

I love all my things. That is really the problem. I am easily attached to things. So hard to get rid of things when you really like things.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Day 15 - Hear

Day 15 - Hear

Today while working from home I heard the twittering of my chicks in the basement the call of the new baby goats from out in the yard. The sky was blue, the sun was warm.

The unique silence of farm life. The animal noises fading into the background like crickets in the campground. Peaceful and comforting.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 14 - Lift

Day 14 - Lift

What could lift you higher than twins born to your own farm baby?!

Amber Rae was born on our farm to one of our own goats 1/12/12 and gave birth today 2/26/13 to Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Thing 1

Thing 2

Monday, February 25, 2013

Day 13 - Cover


Diamonds covered the field as I drove home. Offering a visual abundance. A reminder of hope. My snow covered fields sparkling in the sun.

I quickly ran into the house and glanced around for my camera, couldn't find it so I grabbed my computer. Walked quickly down the property. Unfortunately my computer camera was unable to completely capture the amazing splendor of the view.

I am enjoying this forced daily writing. I will try to continue it past these 40 days. If you have words you would like me to ponder, please let me know!

Real food update: tonight I made soup for the family. I was able to use up several lingering cans of tomatoes and peas. It was yummy. I am finding myself having days where I keep my grain consumption in check and I feel better, then there are days that have way too many grains, and I find myself at the end of those days craving sugary treats. 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Day 12 - Vision

My vision for the future, it is not necessarily what will happen, but it is fun to envision.

The little red square is my "store".

Day 11 - Live

Live for today, tomorrow does not exist. Live in each moment. Now is all we have.

Today day was lovely. The sun was warm and the sky was bright blue. I was wrapped up in getting things done and hadn't noticed. Hubby called us outside to help shovel, we bundled and went out. Once the work was done the kids were playing, hubby and I sat and enjoyed the sun, then walked the property line. Lovely beautiful.

We spent some time daydreaming about someday having a row of fruit trees along the length of our property, and building a old world style stone wall all the way around the property.

It was wonderful to refocus on a dream, and enjoy the sunshine. My usual focus on the to do list often keeps me from really taking a moment to dream about what could be.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Day 10 - Spirit


For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7

A Spirit of Fear

Fear is a big thing. One of those elephants that follows you around, and sits on your chest. Tramples the heck out of your dreams and desires. I let fear take over many of my schemes. I worry, too much. I let horrible thoughts keep me from moving forward.

A Spirit of Power, Love, and Sound Mind

Reminds me of Cool Runnings! I love that movie! Have to see if I can find it somewhere.

Change your thoughts and you can change the world. I am working to replace the thoughts of fear with thoughts of power, love, and confidence. My spirit has been crumpled and worn lately, time for a spirit revamp!

What would a spirit before and after picture look like?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Day 9 - Love


I am fortunate to have known the love of children. The unrestrained no matter what love that oozes out of them.

Like a little child.

Think about their faith in everything in their world, their love, their compassion and empathy. Eagerness to learn.


They wrote on me last night, "I love you!" Randomly simply because they had a marker in their hands. I am a very lucky mama!

Love is full of self-sacrifice and codependency. It is easy to love my children, it is hard to love my husband.

I love him, forever, no matter what.

Somedays he is a gross boy. Somedays he annoys the heck out of me. Somedays he is sweet and gentle. Sometimes love is a choice, a hard, daily intentional choice. Sometimes it is the easy sloppy wonderful we all dream about.


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Day 8 - Evil

I originally intended to write about time-suckers as the great evil of my life (tv & internet).

However, my direction was changed by this: To This Day Project

How do I insulate my children against the evil of this world. I love my kids and their kindness and sensitivity. I am so afraid of what they will face. How do I keep them strong without voiding their empathy. I want them to know who they are and not be broken by the words of others.

I do not recall specific words said to me, but I remember feeling ugly, fat, and invisible. Friends left and stopped writing. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I still feel like an odd duck even while doing the things I love and am most proud of now as an adult. I still have the child conversations in my head, "I wonder if she likes me?"

the smile i wear hides in security
a reaching-grasping mask

do you see me?

FRAGILE marked
invisible ink
packing paper smothered
a raw core

do you see me?


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Day 7 - Wonder


Yesterday my son was watching the crickets in our lizards cage. He watched for more than 30 minutes, watching the way they scrapped their wings together to chirp, watching their antics as they jumped through the tree. Mezmerized with wonder.

I too love the wonder of nature. Looking at the fine detail of a beetles green accents or the grand picture of tree skeletons in the sunset. The way daisies dance in the wind, chickadees calling in the trees.

The wonder, the science, the miracle and the magic perfectly joined.

I brought these dogwood branches in as Christmas decoration... now I have pretty green leaves in winter!

Monday, February 18, 2013

Day 6 - World


Right now my world seems to be controlling me. I want to do things with my life, but I am always so busy catching up that there just is not time.

I want my home living spaces to be simple, organized, and usable. Instead I am in such a hurry that I end up with piles, and bags full of paper and stuff, that later I must sort. I want to adopt, but it requires money, money that currently is all used up paying down debts, stupid debts, and paying bills, and fixing the farm and cars. Dishes get done before breakfast instead of after dinner, leaving the morning rushed and chaotic. My world is small and running behind. Everything I want to do is left in the basket of papers, near the bottom, where the to do someday items sit.

Yesterday at church there was a beautiful couple serving with Wycliff translators. She was a missionary kid from New Guinea, he was from India. They pulled out a list of languages that did not have their own translation of the Bible. I wondered what I could do to help since my plate was so full and my money so nonexistent. I want to help the world. I want to see the world. I want my children to experience different cultures, different places. I want to hug all the orphan children all over the world. Take them in and care for them. However, my small, self-centered, self-sabatoging life is too squished to allow any movement.

I am seeing a theme here in these words. Everything has to do with me becoming more mindful of my life. Simplifying. Allowing myself to be more than a to do list.

#rethinkchurch #40days

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Day 5 - Settle

I asked my daughter if she knew what settle meant and she said "to be calm". Which is exactly how I use it with them. "Kids, settle." 

I like to settle into my favorite sofa with my hubby nearby in his chair. A bowl of popcorn, cuddled up on the couch. However, right now my sofa is full of laundry and I have work to do, a project to finish.

So I sit and stare at the screen and hope I can find a simpler life to settle into.

#rethinkchurch #40days

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Day 4 - Injustice

Injustice is mama making a declaration followin the reciept of valentines day candy. jacob wants vincentes candy Hubby & teenager wanted to join in the declaration of injustice.

Injustice is Valentines day falling within Lent. A lent I planned on keeping sugar and white flour free.

Needless to say, candy has not been restricted this week.

I realize this is not very thoughtful. I know there are many injustices in the world. I am blessed to know that this is the biggest injustice my kids are experiencing right now.

My life is very full and blessed.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Day 3 - See

Do you see what I see, way up in the sky little lamb?

Pausing to look at what it around me is not always my priority. I am wrapped up in the day to day, have to get it done, too much to do, not enough time. I need to teach myself to take the time to see what is around me, to pause, to see. Especially when these eyes are busy watching me. What a great responsibility.

Do you see what I see?

Day 2 - Return

I originally wanted to take a photo of the return key, but figured it would be not very thoughtful.

Even return on the keyboard brings you back to the beginning, leading edge.

Right now I am waiting at the ER on valentines day while my hubby, who fell down the icy stairs at home is getting pumped full of drugs. More than anything I want to return home to my low key easy afternoon. My kids and I doing laundry, finishing homework, holding chickies.

In the ER on Valentines!  Quality Family Time!

A return to normal.

A return to peace instead of worry. Last week I was ill, and I had to work overtime. This week brings a 2nd deadline and more overtime. I would like a return a more even pace, more relaxed. 

Actually I dream of being debt free, working from home, pursuing  a more creative path.

A return to simpler times.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Day 1 - Who Am I?

This year for lent we are giving up "bad" food that is food that is not real. This is really more of a process for us to weed out the few things we still eat from the unreal category. I would like to do away with all white flour (not white whole wheat though). I would like to cut back our sugar to occasionally, and substitute it with honey, molasses, maple syrup and other simple sweetners. Those are the big two in our world.

Then I came across this photos for 40 days and thought I would try this as well.

Who am I?

I am who you think I am. If we are to be an example to the world, no matter how large our world is, than we are who we appear to be. Appearances and assumptions are what we are to outsiders. Who I choose to be may alter your perception of me but really what I do and say really are the source of who I am. Perhaps when you think of me I am dressed in a beautiful ball gown from one of my glamorous parties. Maybe your encounters with me have been as the Apple Lady. Watching facebook you might know me as a small homesteader or a baker, or maybe you remember me covered in chickies!

aka: Eve the Apple Lady

aka: from scratch baker

in a ball gown

ready to go out.

covered in chickies!

I want to be known as creative, artistic, generous, kind, understanding, loving... I wish more than anything to be a good example to my children. I know I have successes and failures.

What do you see that shows you who I am?

#rethinkchurch #40days

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Real Food

I have a plan.  Well kinda.  It is more of a vague idea.

I want to be healthier.  I want to teach my family to be healthier.

To this end I will slowly empty my home of unreal foods and build it up again full of only good wholesome healthy foods.

By emptying I mean slowly consuming in a pantry challenge of sorts.  Using up what we have, maybe even selling some of the items we cannot consume in time.  We will implement this new real food regimin at the beginning of lent. I hope.

Being the person in the home who creates most of the meals this should actually not be too hard to implement. However, our problem will come when confronted with inexpensive grocery options. Often during the winter we will purchase/acquire food from three main places:

Free food distribution
Ruby's Pantry

Our church always has several boxes of bread - day old stuff from the area grocery. It is 80% white breads, 10% muffins/doughnuts. Occasionally there will be rye or wheat breads, but it is usually full of the usual suspects, white flour and sugar. This week I tried to only grab items that contained at least a little whole wheat or rye in them.

Our county fair grounds has a free food distribution day. The wait is 30 minutes - 2 hours and they load your car with stuff. Sometimes it is only tomatoes, potatoes, and onions, and other weeks I am stacked high with boxes and boxes of food. This last time I brought home a carton of soy milk, a carton of super-chocolate milk, and salad dressing, and baking mixes, and cheese-its and lots more. Some fresh foods usable in a real food diet, but some items not.

Ruby's Pantry is this awesome group that buys food in bulk and distributes it to groups for $15 per lot. We usually come home with two laundry baskets heaping full (one lot). Very often there is fresh fruits and vegetables, yogurt, and other real food. There is also overly processed foods. I would have spent more at the grocery if I had only purchased the yogurt I received this last month.

There is a new place I am going to try this week - I will report back

My main problems with real food is our food budget.
I read this blog 100 days of real food, and this post in particular is nice: Real food on a budget. However their limit during budget was $125 per week. We try to limit our food budget to $200 per month. We grow alot of our own food, but during the winter I like to hit Ruby's Pantry and Free food distribution days. Now I am endeavoring to have real food. I am not sure how we will do.

I know I eat mostly real food, but I need to help my family completely break the habbit of Junk.

More to follow.