Right now my world seems to be controlling me. I want to do things with my life, but I am always so busy catching up that there just is not time.
I want my home living spaces to be simple, organized, and usable. Instead I am in such a hurry that I end up with piles, and bags full of paper and stuff, that later I must sort. I want to adopt, but it requires money, money that currently is all used up paying down debts, stupid debts, and paying bills, and fixing the farm and cars. Dishes get done before breakfast instead of after dinner, leaving the morning rushed and chaotic. My world is small and running behind. Everything I want to do is left in the basket of papers, near the bottom, where the to do someday items sit.
Yesterday at church there was a beautiful couple serving with Wycliff translators. She was a missionary kid from New Guinea, he was from India. They pulled out a list of languages that did not have their own translation of the Bible. I wondered what I could do to help since my plate was so full and my money so nonexistent. I want to help the world. I want to see the world. I want my children to experience different cultures, different places. I want to hug all the orphan children all over the world. Take them in and care for them. However, my small, self-centered, self-sabatoging life is too squished to allow any movement.
I am seeing a theme here in these words. Everything has to do with me becoming more mindful of my life. Simplifying. Allowing myself to be more than a to do list.