Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Day 42 - Light


I just brought home two baby chicks. They are Seramas - they are a tiny breed. We had purchased 3 of them originally, but they have all died, I do not know why. So why did purchase two more. Because I wanted to surprise the kids for Easter.

Problem 1: I still do not have the best set up for my chickens and I still do not know what I am doing wrong this year.

Problem 2: My husband does not like the chicks, he does not like the set up we have, and he really does not like the fact that we brought home two new chicks.

Problem 3: I simply do not have the money to make the changes I wish I could make.

My two new chicks need temperatures around 95 - 100˚ which means they need to be close enough to the heat light to be warm. The rest of my chicks are old enough that they do not need that temperature. Plus, they would just pick on and hurt my new babies if I kept them together.

So I am once again faced with the problem of sorting out who goes where and how to contain the chicks I do have. I wish I was living the life I used to live. Where things I needed were just charged because we "needed" it.

I hate this month by month struggle to just get by. I hate having  to worry about whether or not there is enough to pay the bills and feed the animals. I hate having to spend the last few days of each pay period wondering if I will have to give in and use my line of credit. I haven't for a few years now. I somehow manage despite myself to keep going. Somehow each month we get by.

This horribly hard spring has made me second guess each decision and each choice and each plan. I wonder if the signs are pointing toward just giving up, getting rid of all of the animals, planning, and starting over.

The mud is starting to appear everywhere making me realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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